(Sex)abled

The topic that stood out to me most last week was the sexuality of  disableable persons. They are seen  as asexual just as children and the elderly are, but that's just not the case. We are all capable of sexual expression and desire, to say that just because a person is disableable means that sex, sexuality, desire and arousal inst there or just stops is silly. I think it's all about treating people or acting differently because someone is different, we need to let that go and be open minded. the video I'm posting is called (SEX)ABLED, it's about college students with disabilities talking about how they deal with prejudice towards their sexuality.

“Don’t Yuck My Yum”

     I thought last week’s presentation on Orgasm Disorders was well organized, cohesive, and well spoken. I was never boring my attention  kept the whole time which is  hard because I have ADHD if you couldn’t tell. Their video was also good I like how they displayed a same-sex couple and how even between women Orgasm and pleasure mean something different to each individual. Also how as partners pleasure affects the other partner. The wiki page is also well organized and displays in-depth information. The videos are also educational I enjoyed the Laci Green videos, I can relate her she a ginger and from our generation and informative.   
    
     Strange Sex video on Vaginismus was revealing and yet still had the TV dramatization. Like the rest of us I learned about Vaginismus in undergrad abnormal psychology. I found it fascinating then and I find it fascinating now. Yet again, sexual shame and repression rears its ugly head with the girl in the video. Her parent’s teachings along with her religious beliefs caused so much anxiety that it caused a painful disorder. I also thought that the fact that she only knew her husband a week before he asked her father for her hand in marriage. Someone needs to discuss rushing into things with them; because there is no way you can know someone after a week, let alone feel safe enough with them to get married. I found it funny during the video one of the doctors working on her called it “princess syndrome”, and our lovely professor says “I have never heard of that. I don’t think that’s very accurate”. Don’t believe everything you hear and see without researching it first.

     On Tuesday Emily sent up a lecture at Amazing superstore in Providence, so along with Dana and Colleen we went on an Amazing adventure (get it). The company as decide to change it marketing strategy by gearing the store towards women. They had just reinvented and I will say it was female friendly they were nothing distasteful everything displayed in a classy way. The manager showed us the best selling products and how they worked which was fun and we all had a good laugh. She then showed us around the store, a let us smell all the different pheromone perfumes and room sprays, and let us taste the edible lubes. It was so much fun, Emily thanks you so much for setting that up.     
     Last night Emily and I attended two of the Brown Sex week lectures Kink 101: An Introduction to Kink and Kink 200: introduction to Bondage. We had to have fake names to protect out anonymity and the lecture used one of my favorite sex-positive quotes “Don’t yuck my Yum”. Kink 101 was  about kink safety the Importance of consent, safe words, breath play is never a good idea, and using EMT scissors because they are strong and can’t cut you. Kink 200 was all about bondage we learned about safety first never tie a rope to the front of the neck only to back, leave slack in the rope and make sure you can fit two fingers between the rope and the body part, and check circulation ever 5 minutes. Then the lecturer taught us four different types of knots which were fun. We got 12 feet of free bondage rope, I also got two female condoms and a trust dam. I love free swag! 

The Line That Shouldn't Be Crossed

The Line That Shouldn't Be Crossed

Sexual Interest/Arousal Disorders

My favorite part of the Sexual Interest/Arousal Disorders wiki page is the where treatments of those with the disorder are discussed. First it discusses problems couples face with this disorder. How the couples in question have unresolved issues, the need for connection and differentiation. How the intimacy and passion waxes and wanes during a relationship. Many of the points remind me of the Esther Perel TED talk. For example, the unrealistic view couples have of spontaneity, lack of each one’s own self in the relationship and differentiation.

I found this table of information intriguing and made me wonder what men’s thoughts are regarding sex.  
 In assessing women before their intervention trial, Trudel et al. (2001) found that women’s thoughts regarding sex included:
·         Men are always desiring sex
·         Sex is something that happens spontaneously
·         Couples should always maintain “normal” frequency of sex
·         Good sex ends with an orgasm
·         Negative thoughts regarding their personal self images
·         Feelings of performance anxiety
·         Preoccupied stress regarding family, finances, or work
·         Feeling that partner lacked intimacy and empathy
·         Negative feelings towards partner’s character
·         Feeling pressure by partner
·         Feeling controlled by partner
·         Feeling viewed as a sexual object to partner
·         Not feeling that she and partner are fully committed to one another
·         Lack of effective communication between partners
·         Lack of excitement in relationship and/or lifestyle
·         Fear of not overcoming sexual problems with partner
·         Experiencing negative self-talk surrounding sex life
·         Nervousness of how others perceive their sexuality
·         Lack of confidence in sexual selves

I also found it interesting the many different treatment options that we can use in our future work with couples and individuals with this disorder.  
·         Psychoeducation
·         exploring: relational issues
·         religion/spirituality
·         culture
·         family-of-origin issues
·         self-image
·         sensate focus
·         sexual-selves
·         differentiation
·         homework assignments
·         utilize individual, couples, and group therapy sessions

·         the methods of mindfulness and CBT

Reflection of video from last class

I’m going to talk about each couple individual. 


First couple: 

The women who had undergone Gastric bypass surgery.  She needs to seek more therapy for her self-esteem issues and the sexual abuse she endured during childhood.
Being overweight women, I’m a big believer in the body positive and love movement.


The Body Positive- teaches people how to overcome conflicts with their bodies so they can lead happier, more productive lives. We are dedicated to inspiring youth and adults to value their health, unique beauty, and identity so they can use their vital resources of time, energy, and intellect to make positive changes in their own lives and in the world.  http://thebodypositive.org/
it took me a long time to be confident and love myself.  When a woman is overweight she believes that once she loses weight all her problems will be solved. For these women, she believed this as many women do, it’s not true. She was actually more depressed now that she was thinner than she was overweight.  I also think that’s why her boyfriend was less attracted to her. Every man has a type just like every woman does and some men love the luscious ladies. They got together when she was bigger and now that she was smaller he was less interested.  She does not have a strong sense of self because her low self-esteem. 

My main goal for becoming couples and sex therapist is to help others overcome sexual shame and repression, and by support the sex-positive movement. Here are the definitions.


Sexual Shame and Repression- is a state in which a person is prevented from expressing his or her sexuality. Sexual repression is often associated with feelings of guilt or shame being associated with sexual impulses. What constitutes sexual repression is subjective and can vary greatly between cultures and moral systems. Many religions have been accused of fostering sexual repression.

The Sex-Positive Movement –is a social movement which promotes and embraces sexuality with few limits beyond an emphasis on safe sex and the importance of consent. Sex positivity is "an attitude towards human sexuality that regards all consensual sexual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable, and encourages sexual pleasure and experimentation. The sex-positive movement is a social and philosophical movement that advocates these attitudes. The sex-positive movement advocates sex education and safer sex as part of its campaign." The movement generally makes no moral distinctions among types of sexual activities, regarding these choices as matters of personal preference.

The second couple:

The woman who was pre-menopausal and husband that wanted to watch her have sex with other men. This woman referred herself a “conservative prude”. Nor did this couple discuss sex or their desire (sexual repression and shame). If they had just communicated in the beginning they would have found that their fantasies aliened.
To her husband, what I have learned from my line of work I would define him as a cuckold. What I have noticed about cuckolds from my work is that they either are unable to please their SO (significant other) or have a small penis.  In their fantasies, they like to watch their SO cheating with men with bigger penises. They either want to be a voyeur or forced to watch. They also like to hear their SO say how much better this that person is at pleasuring them. This is just my observation and my opinion. They fantasize about this scenario because when having “normal” sexual relations they feel shame and humiliation about not being able to please their SO. The only times they become aroused is in the state of mind of humiliation. It is there that the fantasy grows as all fantasies do. 

Third couple:

The husband who was afraid of his wife’s vagina.


FEMINIST RANT


Ever notice how all monsters in movies kinda look like a vagina. The face hugger from alien, brain bug Starship Troopers, Predators mouth, The Eye from the Lord of the Rings and many in Star Trek and Wars. The horror movie Teeth, about a girl with a vagina with teeth (Vagina dentate). My point MEN FEAR VAGINA!!!
Next the wife needs to put her foot down and say “I’m not giving unless I receive”. I hate this genital double standard. Not only do are women EXPECTED to shave down there; we have to smell and taste good too. You’re hairy sweaty balls are so appealing and you guys taste so good (that was sarcastic if you couldn’t tell).
The husband stated that if she wanted to be intimate she needs to start it. Intimate initiation goes both ways buddy.
Feminist rant over. 

He has other issues he needs to seek therapy for, his father’s abusive behavior towards his mother and him. The wife is not helping by not being understanding and so argumentative.
To the therapist:

As we discussed in class suggesting toys and props isn’t going fix everything.  Something’s she did where good she did get the couples to open up and be sexually honest with each other. To be honest the only couple I can see surviving is the premenopausal women and her cuckold husband. They were the only couple that I saw real improvement in behavior. In the beginning, she stated that she would be fine with never having sex again. By the end, I could see their connection as a couple was stronger. They overcame their sexual shame and repression, and actually accepted each other sexually (Differentiation). Maybe the other couples could last if they had more than just a week of therapy.