Last Blog Post

When the professor first told me about this class she said it may be a little intimidating because the students will know more of the clinical and therapy aspects, and yet you will know more of the actual sex. I have learned so much through all the books, projects, presentations, videos, and my classmates. This class really helped me learn about how to treat my future clients with sex related issues not just the everyday couple relationship issues, but how to deal with actual sex offenders. Before this class I wanted my specialty to just be helping individuals with sexual dysfunctions and couples therapy. This class has helped me realize that I also want to specialize in paraphilic disorders and paraphilias in general. I really want to not only help the individuals but also their partners and families through any troubles they may face. Overall whatever my profession may be in the future be it couples and sex therapist, sex educator, or sexologist, the things I learned in this course will always be applied to my work and life. This class really is life altering so thank you so much Professor.        

Best Blogs

So last class Professor told us to pick our three favorite blogs among our classmates. It so hard to just pick three so the blogs that stuck out to me were as follows

Kyle’s was the most professional

Sarah and Danas had the most heart and emotion

Brittany had a lot of fun links

Carey really related our class to current events

Sex Game

So for our final Lauren, Emily, and I decided to do a sexually based game. After lots of discussion we decide on our own version of trivial pursuit. The name of the game is “Don’t Yuck My Yum” which is a Sex-Positive culture awareness trivia game. We all contributed questions to each category, Emily and I wrote the proposal, and Lauren with her awesome art skills did the box and cards. Lots of hours and hard work was put into the game and we thought we were taking the easy way out of the final. Our game is all about promoting sex positive culture and to prevent yourself and others from yucking others yum through sexual education. Through our categories we debunk myths, recall sex history, see how other cultures and societies view sex and know the different types of gender and sexuality identities, revealing shocking facts about our sexual bodies, and how sex is portrayed in the media today. All in all as much work, as is, was it was fun to work with Lauren and Emily again, and I think it was very educational and eye opening for us as well. We hope you enjoy “Don’t Yuck My Yum”      

Child Sexual Abuse Survivors

Last week’s presentation was very moving. Of course, it was educational and informative. The video they showed to the girl who was a survivor was very emotional. Hearing her talk about her struggles not only overcoming the assault but feeling guilty for what it did to her family. How her mother was coping and I could tell that now the girl is coping better than her mother is which shows just how strong she really is.

The treatment video was very emotional as well I must say Priscilla did so well portraying her charter it was so heartfelt. But what stuck out most to me was Kyle was so supportive of her and he comforted her, it really warmed my heart.

Elderly interview

The elderly interview was enlightening in that I learned a lot about my interviewee then I had ever known. She was amazing women of her time. For 50’s and 60’s to be a women in the workforce let along a mother was big deal and to get a divorce was unheard of. But she overcame many oppressions her lack of sexual education, her cheating husband, and years without significant other. We will never truly understand what it was like to live during the great depression, WWII, the TV dinner 50’s and sexual revolution of 60’s. We can only go by what the elderly and the baby boomers tell us. However they will never understand what it’s like to be born into the AID’s epidemic and 9/11. But we need to learn from each other and grow. The women of my family were all a part of great feminist time my great mother was a flappers and my mother was a flower child. I like to think this is another great time for feminism and the world is changing its views and I believe it’s all for the better…at least I hope…   

LGBTQ

LGBTQ
I think the most important thing is to always use the right pronouns and to also let you client know that if you are of a different sexuality or gender of course you don’t know how they feel but that you do want to help. Some of the things in the video really bothered me there was one part where one of the therapists was talking about how homosexual have a different relationship and can’t understand marriage. :/  I’m gonna say that maybe because this video is clearly from the 90’s hopefully his views have changed. My heart was broken during the fake session when that man talked about how his parents always told him it was wrong, and how he felt because he wasn’t attracted to women and had crushes on men that he was sick in some way. I just wanted to hug him in and tell him everything was ok and there’s is nothing wrong with you that it’s our society that wrong.  

My group’s presentation on paraphilias

Two weeks ago we presented on paraphilias what a topic. I work with many individuals who have paraphilias so I’m pretty used to hearing about it on a daily basis. We divide the work up and I did the wiki, so very sorry it was in-depth and long. Unlike the other groups, we didn’t have just two or three disorders we had paraphilias themselves, the DSM big 8, and hypersexuality (Along with the most taboo subject of all the presentations). But did that stop us NOOO!!! I had so much working with Lauren and Emily on this project they taught me so much about the MFT program to so thanks, girlies. Researching for the wiki was not a boring task I must tell I’m fascinated by atypical sexual behavior and I want my specialty to be helping people with these disorders and atypical sexual behavior in general. I thought I already knew a lot about paraphilias boy was I wrong. I learned so much from researching this topic some of my favorite facts that I found were:
-the research on pedophiles brains, how different they form a healthy brain
-gold star pedophiles and the scene from the movie the woodsman-if you haven’t watched please do, for second you think “baby girl run from this monster before it’s too late” and to him the whole movie he’s been trying to be a gold star pedophile and you think he is finally going to give in and then when she tells him about how she sits on her daddy’s lap. At that moment, everything changes he knows he was close to giving in to temptation and he feels for his almost victim.”  
- That shoes and feet are the most common fetish
-  The Necrophilia and zoophilia (bestiality) are not only legal in some states, but most of those states are against gay marriage.
- That all the bathroom play paraphilias are all legal …I have a sanitation issue with that one
 - one of my favorites thing to do when teaching is to make sure that you know the difference between terms because if we are going to work with clients that have these paraphilias and we use the wrong lingo they could be insulted just like we discussed last week with LGBTQ clients). This is why I added all the Know the difference areas of the wiki.
I also read through your guys blog on our presentation and I just wanted to thank you so much for saying how you found it informative and one of the best presentation yet. I also noticed a lot of you said that this opened your eyes to many things and especially on how to deal with clients with paraphilias. And thank you for the shout outs to Scott, I really hope thing work out for him and Court. :)  

(Sex)abled

The topic that stood out to me most last week was the sexuality of  disableable persons. They are seen  as asexual just as children and the elderly are, but that's just not the case. We are all capable of sexual expression and desire, to say that just because a person is disableable means that sex, sexuality, desire and arousal inst there or just stops is silly. I think it's all about treating people or acting differently because someone is different, we need to let that go and be open minded. the video I'm posting is called (SEX)ABLED, it's about college students with disabilities talking about how they deal with prejudice towards their sexuality.

“Don’t Yuck My Yum”

     I thought last week’s presentation on Orgasm Disorders was well organized, cohesive, and well spoken. I was never boring my attention  kept the whole time which is  hard because I have ADHD if you couldn’t tell. Their video was also good I like how they displayed a same-sex couple and how even between women Orgasm and pleasure mean something different to each individual. Also how as partners pleasure affects the other partner. The wiki page is also well organized and displays in-depth information. The videos are also educational I enjoyed the Laci Green videos, I can relate her she a ginger and from our generation and informative.   
    
     Strange Sex video on Vaginismus was revealing and yet still had the TV dramatization. Like the rest of us I learned about Vaginismus in undergrad abnormal psychology. I found it fascinating then and I find it fascinating now. Yet again, sexual shame and repression rears its ugly head with the girl in the video. Her parent’s teachings along with her religious beliefs caused so much anxiety that it caused a painful disorder. I also thought that the fact that she only knew her husband a week before he asked her father for her hand in marriage. Someone needs to discuss rushing into things with them; because there is no way you can know someone after a week, let alone feel safe enough with them to get married. I found it funny during the video one of the doctors working on her called it “princess syndrome”, and our lovely professor says “I have never heard of that. I don’t think that’s very accurate”. Don’t believe everything you hear and see without researching it first.

     On Tuesday Emily sent up a lecture at Amazing superstore in Providence, so along with Dana and Colleen we went on an Amazing adventure (get it). The company as decide to change it marketing strategy by gearing the store towards women. They had just reinvented and I will say it was female friendly they were nothing distasteful everything displayed in a classy way. The manager showed us the best selling products and how they worked which was fun and we all had a good laugh. She then showed us around the store, a let us smell all the different pheromone perfumes and room sprays, and let us taste the edible lubes. It was so much fun, Emily thanks you so much for setting that up.     
     Last night Emily and I attended two of the Brown Sex week lectures Kink 101: An Introduction to Kink and Kink 200: introduction to Bondage. We had to have fake names to protect out anonymity and the lecture used one of my favorite sex-positive quotes “Don’t yuck my Yum”. Kink 101 was  about kink safety the Importance of consent, safe words, breath play is never a good idea, and using EMT scissors because they are strong and can’t cut you. Kink 200 was all about bondage we learned about safety first never tie a rope to the front of the neck only to back, leave slack in the rope and make sure you can fit two fingers between the rope and the body part, and check circulation ever 5 minutes. Then the lecturer taught us four different types of knots which were fun. We got 12 feet of free bondage rope, I also got two female condoms and a trust dam. I love free swag! 

The Line That Shouldn't Be Crossed

The Line That Shouldn't Be Crossed

Sexual Interest/Arousal Disorders

My favorite part of the Sexual Interest/Arousal Disorders wiki page is the where treatments of those with the disorder are discussed. First it discusses problems couples face with this disorder. How the couples in question have unresolved issues, the need for connection and differentiation. How the intimacy and passion waxes and wanes during a relationship. Many of the points remind me of the Esther Perel TED talk. For example, the unrealistic view couples have of spontaneity, lack of each one’s own self in the relationship and differentiation.

I found this table of information intriguing and made me wonder what men’s thoughts are regarding sex.  
 In assessing women before their intervention trial, Trudel et al. (2001) found that women’s thoughts regarding sex included:
·         Men are always desiring sex
·         Sex is something that happens spontaneously
·         Couples should always maintain “normal” frequency of sex
·         Good sex ends with an orgasm
·         Negative thoughts regarding their personal self images
·         Feelings of performance anxiety
·         Preoccupied stress regarding family, finances, or work
·         Feeling that partner lacked intimacy and empathy
·         Negative feelings towards partner’s character
·         Feeling pressure by partner
·         Feeling controlled by partner
·         Feeling viewed as a sexual object to partner
·         Not feeling that she and partner are fully committed to one another
·         Lack of effective communication between partners
·         Lack of excitement in relationship and/or lifestyle
·         Fear of not overcoming sexual problems with partner
·         Experiencing negative self-talk surrounding sex life
·         Nervousness of how others perceive their sexuality
·         Lack of confidence in sexual selves

I also found it interesting the many different treatment options that we can use in our future work with couples and individuals with this disorder.  
·         Psychoeducation
·         exploring: relational issues
·         religion/spirituality
·         culture
·         family-of-origin issues
·         self-image
·         sensate focus
·         sexual-selves
·         differentiation
·         homework assignments
·         utilize individual, couples, and group therapy sessions

·         the methods of mindfulness and CBT

Reflection of video from last class

I’m going to talk about each couple individual. 


First couple: 

The women who had undergone Gastric bypass surgery.  She needs to seek more therapy for her self-esteem issues and the sexual abuse she endured during childhood.
Being overweight women, I’m a big believer in the body positive and love movement.


The Body Positive- teaches people how to overcome conflicts with their bodies so they can lead happier, more productive lives. We are dedicated to inspiring youth and adults to value their health, unique beauty, and identity so they can use their vital resources of time, energy, and intellect to make positive changes in their own lives and in the world.  http://thebodypositive.org/
it took me a long time to be confident and love myself.  When a woman is overweight she believes that once she loses weight all her problems will be solved. For these women, she believed this as many women do, it’s not true. She was actually more depressed now that she was thinner than she was overweight.  I also think that’s why her boyfriend was less attracted to her. Every man has a type just like every woman does and some men love the luscious ladies. They got together when she was bigger and now that she was smaller he was less interested.  She does not have a strong sense of self because her low self-esteem. 

My main goal for becoming couples and sex therapist is to help others overcome sexual shame and repression, and by support the sex-positive movement. Here are the definitions.


Sexual Shame and Repression- is a state in which a person is prevented from expressing his or her sexuality. Sexual repression is often associated with feelings of guilt or shame being associated with sexual impulses. What constitutes sexual repression is subjective and can vary greatly between cultures and moral systems. Many religions have been accused of fostering sexual repression.

The Sex-Positive Movement –is a social movement which promotes and embraces sexuality with few limits beyond an emphasis on safe sex and the importance of consent. Sex positivity is "an attitude towards human sexuality that regards all consensual sexual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable, and encourages sexual pleasure and experimentation. The sex-positive movement is a social and philosophical movement that advocates these attitudes. The sex-positive movement advocates sex education and safer sex as part of its campaign." The movement generally makes no moral distinctions among types of sexual activities, regarding these choices as matters of personal preference.

The second couple:

The woman who was pre-menopausal and husband that wanted to watch her have sex with other men. This woman referred herself a “conservative prude”. Nor did this couple discuss sex or their desire (sexual repression and shame). If they had just communicated in the beginning they would have found that their fantasies aliened.
To her husband, what I have learned from my line of work I would define him as a cuckold. What I have noticed about cuckolds from my work is that they either are unable to please their SO (significant other) or have a small penis.  In their fantasies, they like to watch their SO cheating with men with bigger penises. They either want to be a voyeur or forced to watch. They also like to hear their SO say how much better this that person is at pleasuring them. This is just my observation and my opinion. They fantasize about this scenario because when having “normal” sexual relations they feel shame and humiliation about not being able to please their SO. The only times they become aroused is in the state of mind of humiliation. It is there that the fantasy grows as all fantasies do. 

Third couple:

The husband who was afraid of his wife’s vagina.


FEMINIST RANT


Ever notice how all monsters in movies kinda look like a vagina. The face hugger from alien, brain bug Starship Troopers, Predators mouth, The Eye from the Lord of the Rings and many in Star Trek and Wars. The horror movie Teeth, about a girl with a vagina with teeth (Vagina dentate). My point MEN FEAR VAGINA!!!
Next the wife needs to put her foot down and say “I’m not giving unless I receive”. I hate this genital double standard. Not only do are women EXPECTED to shave down there; we have to smell and taste good too. You’re hairy sweaty balls are so appealing and you guys taste so good (that was sarcastic if you couldn’t tell).
The husband stated that if she wanted to be intimate she needs to start it. Intimate initiation goes both ways buddy.
Feminist rant over. 

He has other issues he needs to seek therapy for, his father’s abusive behavior towards his mother and him. The wife is not helping by not being understanding and so argumentative.
To the therapist:

As we discussed in class suggesting toys and props isn’t going fix everything.  Something’s she did where good she did get the couples to open up and be sexually honest with each other. To be honest the only couple I can see surviving is the premenopausal women and her cuckold husband. They were the only couple that I saw real improvement in behavior. In the beginning, she stated that she would be fine with never having sex again. By the end, I could see their connection as a couple was stronger. They overcame their sexual shame and repression, and actually accepted each other sexually (Differentiation). Maybe the other couples could last if they had more than just a week of therapy.       

Last few weeks

Last week was only are second class and already so much has happened. Writing my sexual self letter was invigorating. I felt like I was being open and honest about the things that you keep locked inside your shame box. I now feel as though  a weight has lifted. I just want to say thank you for helping me find and accept a long lost part of me.

Hearing others sexual self letter was an eye and heart opening experience. Everyone has had something awful happen to them be it Sexual or not. Everyone feels shame and represses their true sexual selves because that is what we have been taught to do. I want to also say to the writers of the three letter that were read aloud, you are not alone, I have been there, we are here for you, you are loved, and are able to love. Although it is much easier to say then believe "what doesn't kill you does make you stronger ".

The Biopsychosocial sexual history interview was something I have never done before. Not being in the program I have never interviewed a patient, or talked about such a taboo subject as sex while giving an interview. I was very nervous, I tried to remember everything I had learned three summers ago in intro to counseling, the interview techniques of Kinsey, plus the readings. I was nervous for nothing, once we eased into the interview it flowed naturally. I feel like I made my interviewee feel comfortable and be able to open up. Which I believe is a sign I'm on the right path, to pursue my career in sex therapy.

I loved the Tiefer book, I love learning about someone else perspectives. I'm a feminist, I won't deny it, maybe that's why I agree with her so much. To look at sex as not a natural act, is a very hard concept to wrap your head around. That being said she makes a good point we need to look at sex from all angles. Hearing her speak in orgasm inc and in another video from the undergrad human sexuality course. You get a sense of how passionate she is, I connected with her through her passion.

My response to both orgasm inc. and the NPR story are the same. Sadly we are a prescription generation and big pharm is mediatizing every tiny issue. Today all information is at our fingertips,  travel places faster, get food faster,communicate right away even if we are apart. As a result we are always in search of "the easy fix", mostly in pill form. Big pharm is manipulating us into to thinking that whatever issues we have with our bodies or even minds can be fixed with some miracle serum. Once big pharm made money off of Viagra, they wanted a female version. Women's bodies are not the same as men and as we get older we lose our sex drive its natural, just like rickles. Yet still they try to sell us something that not only has unknown or no benefits but also as server side effects.

Now here comes the feminist Vicky so lookout! One underlying theme I noticed was when talking to the women they were both self-conscious of how the men in their life's judged them. It broke my heart to hear the women on NPR say that her husband was going to divorce her because of her lack of sex drive. In the video the women that got the tubes put in her back, talked about how she wasn't "normal" because she could not orgasm vaginal, but yet she could other ways. That suggested to me like she felt bad for the lack of pleasure she received from penis. Men need to be more understanding our bodies are not the same nor our minds. Im gunna be blunt because that's how I am, how would her husband have felt if she had said she was going to leave him because his penis was small. He would be furious and hurt. Yes I'll look at it from both sides not receiving pleasure from a partner is not fun, but you entered into an agreement for better or for worse and I just hate when people throw divorce around all willy nilly...rant over.

When the professor offered to let me take this course she warned me that all the students knew each other. Having been in the same cohort and classes for years. Now besides being nervous about the course work, I was also worried about fitting in and being accepted. I may not come off that way because I'm very outspoken which does turn some people off and I understand i'm not everyone's cup of tea. So when I walked into class on the first and saw a fellow ginger ( Lauren ) I sat next her thinking yeh at least we have that in common. Then when professor announced the groups for the final project and fellow ginger (Lauren) and Eyebrow perfection ( Emily) raised there hands I was like cool I got the ginger and fellow makeup lover, maybe I might fit in. That first class actually you were all so welcoming and nice thank you.

So last last Wednesday Lauren and Emily texted me about getting together to discuss the project and we decide on sushi. (I promise this story has a point ).  I have never had sushi before but I'm brave and gave it a shot it wasn't so bad actually. It was pretty good thanks guys. During dinner we discussed the project and they told me they were going to do one of the field experiences after dinner. They were going to Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting and invited me to go. Which of course I jumped at the chance to do a field experience. Plus it free and a great learning experience for my future career. My  first sushi and a Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting what a night! I just wanted to say thank you to Lauren and Emily for inviting me and making me feel welcome.

The sex addicts anonymous meeting

Once we entered we collected some pamphlets and sat down. There were six middle aged men and us three young twenty something females. I got the feeling that females usually didn't come to meetings. I learned a lot during the meeting and it was very informative. The old negative thing I can say is that in a sense it promoted sexual shame. Now don't get me wrong there are things that you can feel shame for like... cheating on your partner, having unsafe sex, letting sex interfere with work and family. However they also feel that you should feel shame for the pleasure you felt, for watching porn, masterbating and much more. I don't agree with that I think most of that is pretty normal, unless you're doing it so much it affects your work and family life. Everyone feels sexual pleasure, watches porn and masterbates, it's silly to feel shame for it.

Woah sorry for the long blog post but like I said so much has happened...see everyone Tuesday

:)

Hello everyone

Hello everyone I'm Victoria. I'm very witty, quirky, and optimistic. I can't wait to meet you all and learn about sex therapy. I Graduated last spring with my bachelors in Arts, while at URI I was a psychology major, minoring in human development and family studies. I am in the process of applying to graduate school for marriage and family therapy, with a focus on sex therapy. My ultimate goal is to become a therapist who helps couples and individuals with their interpersonal relationships, sexual difficulties, and over coming sexual shame.